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Author Topic: Men  (Read 10968 times)

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Offline HDAngel

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Men
« on: April 21, 2009, 02:58:00 AM »
If men ruled the world...

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier.  A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get' em next time!" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking...and on Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same, but it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words..."Ally McNaked".

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.  As in:
    Cop:  "You know how fast you were going?"
    You:  "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
    Cop:  "Nice one...that's $10.00 off."

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke Shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four real Get out of Jail Free cards.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you."

22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
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Offline jacktheripper305

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Re: Men
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2009, 02:10:26 AM »
haha, if only...
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Men
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2009, 07:25:29 AM »
I vote for the immediate implementation of # 1, # 7, # 12, # 17 and # 23... :D :D :D
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Offline Santafer

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Re: Men
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2009, 05:41:50 PM »
I would accept 23 only after certain level of alcohol in the blood. We don't want to give weaklings the day off.
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Offline smokester

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Re: Men
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2009, 06:01:17 PM »
I think that #21 goes too far, looking at your watch should suffice..
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Offline Robin-Graves

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Re: Men
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2009, 10:01:23 PM »
Id pay for number 7 in a heartbeat!

Can we have Opra and Dr Phill fight to the death for an opening event?
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Men
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2009, 08:47:20 AM »
bad idea...

that way, one of them gets to live...

Let them tag-team against a group of rabid tigers nearly extinct hyenas...
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Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Men
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2009, 11:35:26 AM »
No, remorse at killing the other would make the survivor commit suicide.

Or start a support group.
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Offline hmed2390

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Re: Men
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2009, 07:49:00 PM »
+2 X 23  ;D
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Offline chekovsulu

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Re: Men
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2009, 01:44:20 PM »
I was always told men do rule the world, and that's why the it's all screwed up.  :D

Quote from: HDAngel on April 21, 2009, 02:58:00 AM
9. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
If only...  :'(
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Now Zoidberg is the popular one!

Offline hmed2390

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Re: Men
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2009, 01:07:15 PM »
Quote from:  Jurassic Park
   Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man.  Man creates dinosaurs.
    Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man... woman inherits the earth.

darn! *snaps fingers*
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Men
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2009, 02:04:55 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D

Those lines we're some of the best ever....
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Offline hmed2390

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Re: Men
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2009, 02:17:16 PM »
 :D

Yeah. I tried to find it on youtube, I tell you, sometimes youtube is full of win, other times it's a facepalming fail.

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Offline Discover99

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Re: Men
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2009, 02:24:21 PM »
if 2 came in ginger ale i'd be in

wouldn't mind 3, 6 and 15 either :)
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Offline hmed2390

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Re: Men
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2009, 02:25:10 PM »
 ;)
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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. -Mark Twain
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