Topic: Latest Movie You Watched

[8ullfrog]

Furious 7

Huh, I guess we're not doing the name thing anymore.

Anyway, ANOTHER ONE? another one. Han died at the end of six, or middle of three. Whatever, he's dead, the fast and furious time bubble is popped!

HECTOR IS IN THIS!

Hector is in like everything. His name isn't actually Hector, but that's the character he plays. Check IMDB. Hector.

Oh hey, they're actually acknowledging the fact that Letty has no clue who Letty is.

Well, they didn't explode Elena, like I thought they were about to.

The fight scene is a bit cheap. I was hoping that Jason Statham would use Rock's size against him, instead it's just a stupid punch punch.

Brian is unsettlingly fertile. Poor Jordana Brewster is knocked up again. And much like Cat Dennings when Natalie Portman ditched Marvel, she's bent out of a future movie role here. I honestly can't say if this is a good or bad thing, considering what little screen time she gets.

Dang, good bomb sequence, I thought it waas going to be han's head in the box, Se7in style.

Movies REALLY LIKE the Panasonic Toughbook. From what I remember, they're pieces of poo in an impressive case.

short insulting 3ast 3urious interlude.  Now we're in LA, so everything looks like GTA 5.

Stupid dickwaving chicken game where neither Vin or Jason swerves. OH poo - Mr. Nobody. I don't want to spoil it, but dang.

So the shadowy government people want Goldeneye, sorry "god's eye"

Written by a hacker named Ramsey. This is hilarious, because there was an old pre-youtube video called hacking with ramzi

Tyrese actually gets a play. I like it.

They almost said furious.

I've never skydived, but I deeply enjoyed the dropping cars sequence. Like, how the hell would that feel? I do know that cars have been dropped without people, but that seems like it would be nuts.

I also notice the Brian Dialogue getting thinner. I know they finished batman without ledger, but I wonder how this one will turn out. I mean is Brian just going to be a head in a car from this point?

Okay, so Brian gets some fighty scenes. With the cars, I'm starting to wonder why they don't just stop. Bad guy has to speed, the good guys not so much.

We get a weird stunt reprise from a scene in the second Jurassic Park film, I dunno, seems off. Tyrese gets a shining moment. I feel like the mountain scene was supposed to be the opening of the film.

Okay, now I get what was weirding me out, that's Missandei. Seriously, Missandei gets the cheesecake scene. And it's quite the cheesecake scene. With added misogyny. Men calling dibs on DAT ASS, with rock paper scissors.

Well they are in the UAE.

Ronda Rousey shows up, and dang. I never thought I'd consider Michele Rodrieguez a delicate waif, but every time she punches Ronda, I expect her hand to snap off. Ronda is a BRICK HOUSE.

Ronda doesn't really have acting chops. Gina Carano was in the previous film, and she was friggin Philip Seymour Hoffman compared to poor Ronda. Like, JAWS, from the old cheesy bond films laps Ronda.

The fight is pretty hardcore.

Luda gets to throw some close quarters. Looked good! But then Vin gets to do some CQD - driving, you get it.

We get creepy surveilance, and baddie is hiding out in a MW2 map. Mr. Nobody gets a pretty cool but sadly short scene after his protege eats it, but honestly, what a waste.

WOW, Mr. Nobody is secure in his masculinity. Lets Vin Fireman carry him. Mr. Nobody has Tony Stark level armor. Sadly, it's IM1 level, and he's gutshot.

I kept expecting Mr. Nobody to cross the team, I'm happy they didn't. Mainly because Mr. Nobody is one of my favorite actors.

The secondary baddie, I'm having trouble with him, because he was some stupid greebly beard baddie in an MCU movie. one of the Thors? I think they changed cars a couple times, Missandei goes from a 70's beater to the rice rocket Brian is driving, and it isn't explained, she's just in a different car now and deal with it. And they're up against VTOL drones, that give up? For some reason.

Seriously though, I wish they'd cast anyone but silver beardo for chopper baddie. Vin and Jason run chicken against each other, again, and once again, neither choke.

Beardo baddie blocks the hacks, Rock gets high, and loads up his gun. Vin and Jason caveman fight.

Same thing with Michelle vs Ronda, Jason can't nimbly pimbly against Vin's HUGH ARGH.

Wow, Rock slams an ambulance into the drone enemy. That was impressive. Then he picks up a vulcan cannon (Minigun)

Ooh, I actually like this, when the baddies lose their nightmare surveilance ability, the military sends in fighter jets to kill the golly out of them. A lot of time in the movies, it's like "At this point, the military would say golly it and carpet bomb the movie." And that gets some play here.

All the baddies die, Rock drags Jason Statham off to " We point guns at you 24/7 prison"

The team sits on a beach watching Dead Paul Walker be not dead.

Honestly, the veneration seems a bit much to me. Dude liked 13 year old girls.

Anyway, that's where 7even leaves it. Giselle, Han, and I guess Brian are dead.

Eh, I got nothing going on tonight, maybe I'll mainline it until hobbs and shaw.

I DO know that the 30 year old 17 year old from 3okyo 3rift was only permitted to do this one cameo by CBS. I guess NCIS holds your life by the balls. Sucks for Sean Boswell, works out great for Michael Weatherly.

[8ullfrog]

F8

It's a little fun seeing Universal jump companies each film and wondering if we'll get that bombast theme.

We don't here. We open on a long strip of ocean straddling road. We're in Cuba!

Asses abundant, but I shouldn't whine, that's a series staple.

Eh, Vin being folk hero is stretching things even beyond existing stretch.

Oh hey, Dom subscribes to the T2 life plan - No fate but what we make for ourselves.


Rock Hakas with little girls, dang.

Not gonna lie, I want a movie where those girls are the crew. Vin is getting long in the tooth.

Rock's character gets a first name, LUKE HOBBS.

Oh poo, they're actually acknowledging that Vin is burnt out on this.

To be fair, Rock did lock the team up AND got several members killed over the last two films.

OH NO WE'RE ON A RUNWAY!


Wow, I'm shocked at how blatant the shift is from old FF to Hobbs and Shaw, like it's literal.


WHAT THE golly TORMUND! TORMUND AND FURIOUS. GIVE THIS MAN A POLAR BEAR TO RIDE INTO BATTLE!

DAMNIT, Tormund is a bad guy? NO! ME NO LIKE!

Jason Statham is a bad guy at this point, but you WANT him to win.

Huh, Rock does some parkour poo, and it feels less crappy than when he was spider-man jumping two films ago.

Statham gets his first good guy moment, saving Missandei.

oh god, they're seriously damseling Elena. And worse. They add a baby.

I DON'T LIKE TORMUND BEING BAD GUY!


This is a fairly well written out for Jason Statham, he's not a baddie, he's been blackmailed!

Huh, baddies hacking the "collision detection" on vehicles and using it as a swarm attack is fairly scary stuff.

I'm surprised the vehicle companies allowed this, one of the barriers to racing games is manufacturers saying they don't want their cars scratched up in any way.



DAMNIT, TORMUND, STOP BEING BAD GUY!

They fridged Elena. I don't like that, it's poo writing. Making the "Man" work through his trauma. Cheap and bad.

On to the polar sub base.


Serious MW2 flashbacks here.

Soviet base, nukes in play.

Okay, that's nonsense. Charlize Theron directs Tormund to kill Dom's team, yet he leaves Dom sitting in the car.

That makes no sense, Dom would be the first person to shoot.

I do like that Roman is the straight up bait in this sequence. In the last movie it didn't really pull off, but he does play the highly visible bait extremely well. He IS driving a bright red Lambo, on an ICE SHELF.

Damn, he killed a whole team of baddies.

Oh dang, the Shaw brothers. That's like, a reference even. I didn't get that until now. Shaw Brothers.

A good reference.

I like vin's crazy eyes when he faces off with Tormund, that was dope. CRAZY EYES YO.

I thought the pacifier was hilarious, having Jason Statham be a bloodier, more horrible version is a laugh.

Still mad about Elena, that was horseshit.

Oh dang, this is the COD4 mission at the end where you storm the plane. Maybe it was MW2, it all sort of blurs.


But Jason Statham in a murder spree with a kid carrier is gold. He even gives the little dude ear protection. MVP Statham!

Rock getting in a jaws line "We're gonna need a bigger truck" is pretty boss, considering he's been riding in an oversized SUV since he showed up.

Honestly, I wish the kid was Jason Statham's. (it would be way cooler)

God Damn!

Eight seasons of game of thrones, they kept saying "the pack survives"

And this movie tops it simply by having "the crew" stack their cars in front of Vin Diesel so he doesn't die.

Seriously, cheap heartstring pulling or not, it bought me, as a viewer.

I do like that they didn't make Scott Eastwood evil. Would have been super easy, but they didn't do it.

He even gets to attend "familia" dinner.

[8ullfrog]

I'm about to watch a CAM for these reviews. Do you get that? a CAM!

Hobbs & Shaw

I don't like the GI JOE poo with Idris. Or the virus.

I'm getting really annoying bitcoin ads.

Hobbs & Shaw make breakfast, Shaw sells it.

One thing that this movie should make interesting is that Hobbs no longer has access to "The crew" something he's relied on since joining the series.

Rock drops a "Nice Tats" line.

I'm a little pissed that the CAM is letterbox. I mean we're all on 16x9, aren't we?

I'm digging the development on Shaw, children with explosives. YEEEEAAAAHHH!

And his mom picks locks!

OH poo RYAN REYNOLDS!

Double Snap, Reynolds is a LANNISTER!

Hah, a co-op on the one PG-13 golly!


Aww, half an actual rock quote. Take the chair, turn it sideways, and shove it down... a throat.

NOOOOOOO Threaten to shove it sideways up his candy ass!

I am enjoying the film.

crap, more idris.
some technical superiority poo out of Deus Ex from 1997


OH GOD DAMNIT, the worst cutscene cowpoo out of a video game type plot.

Not only is everyone decent put on their ass, the baddies get an unstoppable window to do whatever they like.

The movie is good, but this type of writing is always poo.

sure enough, Idris is some robocop type poo, Statham already killed him.

And of course, Idris has a tron cycle.

Honestly, this whipidey dipitty poo is more likely to kill the franchise than Vin growing additional neck folds.

Yup, idris tron-cycle gives him the edge. Instead of credible threat, he comes off as cheat codes.

Oh man, Ryan Reynolds played the shoneys line from Rick & Morty.

We got a stupid "They would be much more powerful as an ally" "They must join us or die" scene. Funny enough, Idris is CON, he doesn't want to bring them in.

I HATED Idris so far, but he's got an idiot boss.

Now I feel bad for the killing machine. Gotdamnit.

More bitcoin poo.

Weird, they actually talk about gender politics when Elena got killed last movie.

I don't like Kevin Hart, but he's good in this.

Hah, he job interviews.

I do like the gear up, and the rock mock.

idris gets a bit more blah blah.

We get our "poorly written film" 45 minute countdown. I don't remember the minute count on the actual film, but it was less than 45 minutes at this point.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but Iron Man was supposed to have a stupid 15 minute countdown, instead they actually wrote a compelling showdown. They didn't want to, but the visual stunt they were going to use didn't work out.

Hobbs & Shaw work through the vehicle bay. painfully.

Oh hey, competent baddies. I can't say I like it, but it was about time for them to roll into some movie.

un-subtitled russian dialogue.

Hobbs is up poo creek. Shaw is up poo creek.

Weird, this is almost the same premise as Rainbow Six. A privliged elite being allowed to survive, while most of the world dies. It's probably a fairly common roadmap.

I think this might be the russian distro, the science guy said something I didn't understand, then killed some baddies with a flamethrower.

Idris killed flamethrower boy.

Cult lab got blown to poo.

Statham's car is straight up a halo warthog without a minigun. Like, the fact there are no lawsuits is mindboggling.

They even do the endstage warthog run where you drive the level to avoid death.

A lot of movies do the "I got you" grab. The rock is someone who can sell that. If he reaches out, he's got you. like, I would feel safe. Would you?

Hah, Kevin Hart got a solid utility pickup. I know I've been saying MVP over these reviews, but Kevin Hart is solid support.

I think Hattie gets MVP, she was willing to carry SUPER EBOLA.


HAH, seeing Rock get called Skin and bones is hilarious.

Samoans with a pickup and can of gas more effective than battle of Winterfell.

That being said, they went from night to day in about 30 seconds.

I think this was an Army of Two map, to go with the MW2 map thing I've mentioned in prior films.

Movie is long enough it triggers the Are you a robot warning. on a pirate website.

Honestly, the entire defense is poor. They had to keep one woman protected, and instead they went full loincloth.


And that meant the baddies got the woman.

"good guys" snag a blackhawk with a tow truck.

And reel the baddies in like a fishing pole.

Idris executes a pilot for, flying wonky?

okay, Rock's people are dothraki with trucks.

Truckraki hit the Nos, it's super effective.

More fishing pole nonsense.

They realize they can't beat Idris without co-op, so that happens, with all the slo-mo implied.

Bitcoin nonsense shitted up the climax. I THINK they outlasted the countdown? But Idris is still there.


Okay, Idris got windows updated to hell.

I don't get the mid or post credits scenes, because CAM.


So, overall, I probably would have enjoyed this movie in the theater, but I'm glad I didn't spend the cash.

[8ullfrog]

Wow, I really had a lot of words for the car boys, didn't I?

Anyway, I'm going to recommend something completely different, Long shot.

Yeah, Charlize Theron is in that, and she was a horrible monster on one of the fast films, honestly can't remember which one, but GOD that one made us hate her.

But you shouldn't hate the actress, you should hate the character, and she's a friggin Princess in Long shot.


I mean all the poo women have to deal with that men don't, it gets boiled down. And it's funny, because it's thrown out in an argument, and when Charlotte (Charlize Theron's character) calls cowpoo, Seth Rogen flat out stops and goes "golly you're right."

Because it's true, we're on a flaming ball of hell, currently under the auspices of a spray tanned monster.

Like I can't enjoy that level of satire in the film, we're living it.

Holy poo that spray tan monster could end the world tomorrow, over cowpoo on twitter!


But it's a good movie, it's entertaining, and you should watch it. Just don't watch it with your mom. Seth Rogen jacks off, and it sprays his beard.

I'll put that out, because that's the shaming angle the "Wembly News" network puts on it.

[8ullfrog]

Halloween - 2018.

I dunno, the disconnect in horror movies where you laugh at the stoner getting ganked seems kind of absent in this one, and I think that's what they're going for. A lot of the conventions are, if not subverted, disregarded.

Michael, as always, is the shape. Not exactly human. They disclaim all the sequels, something I didn't know you could do, but seems like a neat trick. Maybe we can disclaim the Snyder DC films?

Anyway, they DO acknowledge the eye gouge with the hanger, one of the more powerful moments of the original. Michael still has the eye, but it's somewhat destroyed. He's not some indestructible boogeyman, he actually takes damage. No immortal rampager, but a very visceral threat.

I mean some of the kills just make you feel bad having watched them, almost as if you're not supposed to like the movie.

I'd say the film was competently done, but I absolutely cannot say I enjoyed it. I was upset by the end of it.

Maybe I'm getting old. I've read back the old Siskel & Ebert reviews, and they openly despised slashers.

[goldshirt*9]

Mary Queen of Scots 2019 
UNsure how true to history it is but I enjoyed

[8ullfrog]

Doom Annihilation - Another corridor crawling shooter, the guns lack oomph, the baddies get kills way too easy, it seems like a film in search of more money.

Funny thing is they thank Paul W.S. Anderson, and this could be a lower budget take on Resident Evil. At least that one was fun. this movie sucks, and I recommend against watching it.

[goldshirt*9]

It's OK - no-one else knows how true it is either.

Fair enough

Wife had never watched Suicide Squad so last night we watched it. still fun  love the music in it.
prior to Suicide Squad Watched Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, A fan of Besson and his typical visual film.

[6pairsofshoes]

CBGB.  A millenial's idea of the late 70's new york music scene.  The actors playing the future music stars were all squeaky clean, particulary the actress playing Debbie Harry.  The guy playing Iggy Pop looked like the actor who played Rocky on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, dragged into the production for his improbable good looks.  Pretty boy, maybe, but Iggy he was not.   

To be fair, there was plenty of dog poo and vomit, and some cute trained rats, representing sanitation failures, but this was a Disneyfied perspective on a gritty reality and it just didn't come off.  Alan Rickman did a creditable job representing Hilly Kristal, the driving force behind this legendary nightclub/bar.  But his mother, played by Estelle Harris, the comedic actress best known for her role as the matriarch in the television show, "Everyone Loves Raymond," neatly symbolized what was wrong with the whole production.  It was lacking in gravitas and shot wide of the mark.  If you need exercise rolling your eyes, this is the film for you.

[8ullfrog]

I had to shut off Solo. Holy poo is it a lousy film. Every element of the original films needs to be explained out, events have to happen at a slapstick pace, no one is likable, least of all Han, And sure as poo, on his VERY FIRST criminal mission, he drops the loot.

Yeah, we get it, it's a reference to why Han was in trouble with Jabba in Empire. It's BAD WRITING.

Like, after the heist, where the stupid CGI alien partner karks it (I liked that he died, I did not like that he existed), we cut to a criminal party, where a singer with stupid poo all over her face croons in French with a gack in a jar. (The gack in a jar also sings in French, in a deep voice.)

It's like someone watched all the poo lucas jammed into the 1997 re-releases of the original Star Wars, and decided that was the way to go.

The film has a stupidly high approval rating, I think it's somewhere around 83%, but was a box office bomb.

Like seriously, things don't need to spin or explode every 30 seconds. One of the things I liked about cloud city is that it was boring, with weird 70's aesthetics that made it seem alien to me. I didn't know what a millennium was!

So, Skip Solo. It's not even worth trying. The only reason I loaded up was to try and drain my cell battery, and it was even bad at that.

[6pairsofshoes]

So, Skip Solo. It's not even worth trying. The only reason I loaded up was to try and drain my cell battery, and it was even bad at that.

That was a great review.  And I thank you for the comedic description.  I won't need to waste my life attempting to view it.  Frankly, the Ewoks were enough to convince me that I'd seen enough of the Star Wars franchise for a lifetime.  I haven't seen one of those films since.

[8ullfrog]

Not a bad call, they should have let it end with ROTJ.
I got it down to 18% now, random youtubs.

[8ullfrog]

I knew there was going to be some stupid poo with daenareys taryargan as soon as she showed back up and decided, nope, that's plug pulling time for me.

(The phone charger I bought off amazon is working, but I won't know if it's worth it for 52 more minutes)

[6pairsofshoes]

Derivative of Guardians of the Galaxy too.

So many mediocre Sci Fi movies, so little time...

And I got sort of disgusted by the whole Daeneyrs story arc.  Women + Power = BAD.  Thanks a bunch.

[8ullfrog]

I'm not going to tell you to go watch Game Of Thrones because I like you, and the way that show ended, golly.

With Dany, they spend more time comparing her to Aerys than who she actually is.

They also love constantly repeating the refrain "When a targaryan is born, the gods flip a coin"

Nah, I tracked the quote down -

Ser Barry - "King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land"

In the books, this is meant to indicate that Dany has won Barry's loyalty by proving she isn't batshit insaneo.

At one point, she does execute prisoners with her dragon.

But she bless'ed had to. Those people were never going to bow, and if she'd let them live, they would have just come at her again. So she burns Dickon Tarly.

I'd say that Dany made the mistake of being overly on-the-move. She never consolidates her rule, she just rolls on to the next group of shitbags that need a dracarys enema. Which is pretty much everyone on the crapsack planet.

But you can't blame the ending on her, it's just bad writing from dipshit & dumbass. You could tell when they ran out of material and started winging it.

A lot of people criticized seasons 7 and 8, even before they were FILMED because of the forced pace. Even the fat man says the source material would eventually hit 14 seasons, and that he didn't understand the rush.

I do, they wanted to move on to the next job, and were either sick of GOT, or hated it from the start. We get such stunning insights as "Well Dany just forgot the Iron Fleet existed"

Like, the Iron Fleet split down the middle, one of her most solid backers, YARA GREYJOY, was both routed and captured... and Dany forgot? She lost the bless'ed fleet that brought her from Essos to Westeros. YOU DO NOT FORGET LOSING YOUR ARMADA.

And the sudden end snap was similarly cheap. You have her being all resentful post battle of winterfell, ANOTHER one of her dragons gets ganked, but it was a bell.

The ring of a bell made her decide "golly it, kill everything, I'm evil now".

The less said of Jon snew, King of "I dun want it", the better. They subverted expectations by giving him brain damage. Sansa's a dipshit, Bran always sucked, Arya says "golly this poo I'm out" and she's the smartest of all of them. Canonically, only Arya has plot armor, because the fat man's wife told him he isn't allowed to kill her. So he just tortures her endlessly. Then again, Gendry was poo.

Wow, I still have a lot of feelings about Game of Thrones.