Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
I found the entire movie unpleasant. Like when people say "It's a turn your brain off movie!" I can believe it with this one.
These two remorseless bottom contract killers meet while on a job. A later line in the film shows that He is in love, she considers him a beautiful mark.
And it only gets worse from there.
Mr. Smith seems to work for the more brute force, get the job done by whatever means necessary type agency, while Mrs. Smith comes from Ladies home murder society.
Oddly enough, the bosses are gender flipped. Mr. Smith takes his contracts from disembodied Angela Basset, and Mrs. Smith takes her orders from Mr. Disembodied Keith damn' David. (I've read originally they were going to track down and kill the bosses, but that plot was dropped)
Needless to say, they both try to take out the other assassin on the job, and both fail, hilariously setting a contract on both of their heads! Whoopsie!
I actually kind of liked Pitt's cartoonish plan for the kill, even though he fumble naffs it up. He dune buggies out and intends to explode his target with a comical rocket launcher. ACME hits.
Jolie planned to use laser trip wires to trigger planted explosives.
(Why the target was being transported out of New York through some sort of desert and then back to New York remains unexplained)
So they have a miserable marriage, and now they're supposed to kill each other. Brad does some honestly disturbing domestic stuff (Shoving Jolie into a glass wall, but she shakes the injury off)
He trips on a picket fence, and hilariously almost blows his wife's head off. Because a professional hitman didn't know to keep his finger off the trigger while running. Of course, he wants to talk about this.
She instead gets mad and hits him with a car, launching him inconsequently into the woods.
Since neither of them finished the job, assasins are dispatched and blow up their home. They steal a neighbors minivan and discover not only was their entire relationship a lie, Neither gave enough of a poo to actually figure that out! Hilarious!
They drive to a home depot expy designed by millionaires for millionaires, and at one point bunker up in a shed walled with concrete for some reason. They both say that they never missed a moment of sleep during their contract killing lives, and compare "body counts".
The assasins are neither of their shitty friends, and are nameless faceless mooks. The stakes are nonexistent. At one point, Mrs. Smith stabs Mr. Smith in the thigh with a knife, but they mutually just kind of shrug that off.
Apparently this movie had over 40 endings plan, but instead it's just a marriage counselling session where Mr. Smith implies he is very happy with the new amount of sex he is getting.
Apparently what their relationship was missing was mutual combat. Hopefully they'll kill each other before they breed. (One of the endings had an assassin baby)
It's like someone watched True Lies and missed the point. golly, I should have wrote that instead of this stupid essay.
