Topic: Things that made you laugh today

[6pairsofshoes]

What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken.

[smokester]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

[smokester]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'm waiting ...

^ This made me laugh today.

[6pairsofshoes]

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my husband asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

[6pairsofshoes]

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t care.

[6pairsofshoes]

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

[smokester]

I had to laugh at Tyson Fury blaming the war in Ukraine for getting his arse kicked last night. He has always fought like on old bag of spuds, but he was completely outclassed and outboxed even in the rounds when he looked half decent.

It seems that denying fair results is catching.

[6pairsofshoes]

Yeah.  I blame those reality shows for the death of good sportsmanship.  What ever happened to "let the best man win?"  Now it's all snarky "I was robbed, I should have won, the judges were unfair!  I DID win the election.  It was stolen from me."

I'd love to see the nails hammered into that coffin.

[smokester]

Yeah.  I blame those reality shows for the death of good sportsmanship.  What ever happened to "let the best man win?"  Now it's all snarky "I was robbed, I should have won, the judges were unfair!  I DID win the election.  It was stolen from me."

I'd love to see the nails hammered into that coffin.

The real corrupt part of that decision last night, was from the judge who scored it 115 - 114 in favour of Fury. I didn't hear Usyk complain about that, but you could see he was an intelligent man with integrity.

I saw Tyson's post fight press interview earlier, that made me laugh all over again. It's amazing just how much Jesus and God have to do with these bouts. You'd think they'd have better things to do.

[6pairsofshoes]

I know, right?  People are starving and there are wars, and disease, but, the Almighty really wants to drop everything to make sure that Tyson wins a prize fight.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

[6pairsofshoes]

What's the best way to catch a fish?

Have someone throw it to you.

[6pairsofshoes]

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

[smokester]

Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married.  The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.

[6pairsofshoes]

That's funny!

I asked Siri for directions somewhere the other day and he threw in a helpful comment -- "speed camera detected."  Usually I find this Apple robot nearly useless, but in that moment he totally redeemed himself.  (I selected the male voice with British accent).  I believe there are apps that can function like radar detectors and need to do a little digging to upgrade this aspect of the navigation.  This town has multiple speed cameras that work weekdays from 8 - 6, so I'd like to know where to avoid them, having recently paid the price for my unawareness.

[smokester]

That's funny!

I asked Siri for directions somewhere the other day and he threw in a helpful comment -- "speed camera detected."  Usually I find this Apple robot nearly useless, but in that moment he totally redeemed himself.  (I selected the male voice with British accent).  I believe there are apps that can function like radar detectors and need to do a little digging to upgrade this aspect of the navigation.  This town has multiple speed cameras that work weekdays from 8 - 6, so I'd like to know where to avoid them, having recently paid the price for my unawareness.

Google maps notifies you of every speed cam whilst you're driving. The problem is, nowadays they are "average speed check" cameras so slowing down just before one is of no benefit whatsoever.

British people are like coconuts. Hard on the outside but sweet once you crack us. Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.