Topic: Things that made you laugh today

[goldshirt*9]

 

[6pairsofshoes]

Aha!

[6pairsofshoes]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

[smokester]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

I would have thought that was around about the right money for an MIT engineer graduate. I mean, it was probably for a job in finance, right? They love an engineering grad'.

[6pairsofshoes]

I know, right?  But who knows how long that joke has been kicking around on the internet.

I was an idiot and went into the humanities so I practically had to pay employers to allow me to work for them.  It was pretty much a joke.  I could have made more working fast food.

Time for some banjo jokes:

There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.

What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.

[6pairsofshoes]

Student asks English teacher why the H in some words is ignored, like H in hour, honor, etc.
The teacher responds, "we don't ignore them.  They aren't pronounced because they are considered silent"
Student is super confused but remains quiet.
During the lunch break, the teacher gave the student her lunch and asked him to heat it in the cafeteria.
The student left, went to the cafeteria, ate the food and returned the empty container.
When the bewildered teacher asked where her food was?  "I asked you to heat my food, why are you giving me an empty container?"
The student replied, "I thought the H was silent"

[6pairsofshoes]

Two men are knocking back beers in a bar on the ninetieth floor of the Empire State building.
“You know, there’s a slipstream around the seventieth floor,” says one, opening a window, “and if you jump out here, it’ll suck you back in at the fiftieth floor.”

“Ah, c’mon,” says the second, more than a little drunk.
“No, really” says the first. “I’ll show you.” So he jumps out the window, comes in through a fiftieth-floor window, takes the elevator up, and appears triumphantly back in the bar.
“Hey, I’m going to try that,” says the second guy. He jumps out the window, falls ninety floors, and is killed instantly.
“Hey,” says the bartender, looking hard at the first man, “you can be a real scallywag when you’re drunk, Superman.”

[6pairsofshoes]

In math class, the teacher called on a student.
"Frank, if you found three dollars in your right pocket and two dollars in your left pocket, what would you have?"

Frank thought for a minute and then came back with "I’d have somebody else’s pants on."

[6pairsofshoes]

Applying for a job in the Trump administration:

A woman was being interviewed for a job. “You understand that before we can offer you a position, you must take a short test.”
“Of course,” she answered.
“Well, how much is two plus two?
“Four.”

A second applicant entered the room. After a short interview, the recruiter asked, “Are you ready for the test?”
“Yes.”
“Well, how much is two plus two?”
The applicant answered, “whatever
the boss says it is.”
The second applicant got the job.

[6pairsofshoes]

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

[6pairsofshoes]

Q.  Did you hear the one about the statistician?

A.  Probably.  (rim shot).

[6pairsofshoes]

[6pairsofshoes]

[goldshirt*9]

B.A make or did make decent adverts

[smokester]

That's saved me 5 minutes in September.