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Author Topic: I wrote a thing!  (Read 5522 times)

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Offline 8ullfrog

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I wrote a thing!
« on: November 17, 2012, 05:07:52 AM »
Friend of mine was pissed I consign most of my writing to the void or IM. Drank some booze, decided golly it, and wrote something new, and put it up on fanfiction.net.

It's a post ROTJ star wars story, viewed through a post 9/11 lens. Of course, all writing requires feedback, and I realize this isn't the best story ever written. poo, I banged it out in notepad.

So please, feel free to be brutal.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8710073/1/Mujahideen

I got some great notes from a reader, but I'm having a golly of a time updating the story.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2012, 06:09:06 AM by 8ullfrog »
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Offline Beatrix

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2012, 04:26:09 PM »
I like it, but in essence it was a little too descriptive for me.  I know that writing is all about description, but I felt like I wanted to be taken somewhere with the story, and I stayed in the same place.
   Otherwise, I was impressed by the feel and content in the story, by the way you relayed the Star Wars environment.
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Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2012, 08:52:49 PM »
Yay! I intended to have Sam be a passive voice, I'm glad that read through.

The most exciting thing that ever happened in Sam's life was going to jail for pirating reality TV. He's kind of a madam, so he had to see a psychiatrist for his anger issues.  ;D
I considered making him a force sensitive, maybe on the extreme low end of the spectrum, but star wars has enough Jedi in the expanded universe. Maybe just a force based affinity for tech? Would explain why mechanical work goes so easy for him.

One thing I didn't put in because Sam didn't see it, a trip to the forest moon did not go well for one of the housewives. After she was killed the real housewives of coruscant stayed on coruscant, under heavy protective guard. Another person I spoke with helped sharpen up a few bits, and the story went from 950 words to 976.

And my brain keeps giving me more content!

 The newest idea can't really come from Sam's POV though, essentially this schism with the ewoks is a religious one. The humans (One with a lightsaber) Brought their god (C3PO) down from the sky, but did not show proper reverence. (None of the principal cast really respects 3PO) And then, after the big post battle party, The crew of the falcon likely departed, with the Ewok god.

I figured that with the Jedi spreading far and wide, and with a new darker outlook on the universe, They'd send quite a few Jedi to the forest moon, show the colors, maybe try to recruit some cute teddy bear jedi for public relations.

 Maybe one day a penitent ewok went to visit one of the new gods (Protocol droids) and saw a Jedi performing maintenance on it. Throughout the trilogy 3PO showed a lot of issues, from joint based when he required the oil bath, going into standby mode at kenobi's hut, the many times he just flat out broke down. This desecration of a god would not stand by the Ewok, so he took word back to his tribe, and all hell broke lose. Yub Nub.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ewok_Celebration
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Offline smokester

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2012, 02:19:02 PM »
I managed to eventually read your piece and thought it well written.  However, I find myself feeling I should know and/or like Star Wars to be able to appreciate what you have written and the style of writing.  It felt to me like I was reading a sequel to a book that I haven't read.

That's what you get for being a trekkie I suppose.
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Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2012, 02:57:20 PM »
Yes, it's the time after Return of the Jedi in the star wars universe. It requires one to have seen Return of the Jedi.

I could have explained that better, but not with the voice I used. Sam Krayt doesn't know about the star wars films.  ;D

There is one small reference to the original star wars film, when he calls Luke Skywalker the "Butcher" of the new republic. If you don't view star wars through the lens of Luke being a hero, he blows up a military base (The death star) killing millions. (one source claims 31,622,963)
He eventually turns Count Vader against the emperor.

There is also the fact that before Han Solo became a republic hero he was a pirate and smuggler. Leia was a senator who betrayed the empire to join a terrorist faction.
The droids come out as weapons essentially. C3PO was a decoy and R2D2 smuggled the plans for the Death Star, along with being Luke's guide to the trench.
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Offline subvinorosa

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2012, 08:39:00 PM »
I don't have time to read this now but I will next weekend.
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Offline 8ullfrog

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Re: I wrote a thing!
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2012, 12:40:28 AM »
I added a new chapter, but I wasn't happy with the voice. It should be more tinpot, you know, like the troops in star wars. More "These aren't the droids we're looking for".

I just don't think it came off right, too much like the first chapter.

It's put me off the third chapter where sam would be interrogated by a jedi spook. Can't get the mix of hippie and menace I want.
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