Topic: Current Events

[goldshirt*9]

thoughts are with you,

[smokester]

My brother and sister-in-law sat with him last night waiting for him to go but he's still with us today. I hope they re-introduce a line that feeds him otherwise wouldn't that be euthanasia?

[smokester]

If he can't eat, feeding him through a tube is just prolonging "life" pointlessly.

He'd originally gone in to have a tumour removed from his pituitary gland that had got big enough for it to create problem with his vision in both eyes. Initially it didn't go too bad but for some reason they went back in as they didn't think they got it all and after this he suffered bleeds, air and infections including meningitis - the latter is what destroyed his brain.

A few months on they are sure he has no chance of recovery and there is no real activity in his brain. At this point they removed the line from his brain that was venting the fluid but they are (I asked since I last posted) keeping the line in that feeds him and the line administering painkillers. What they have said will happen now is that he'll have a fluid build up that will put him into a coma and then shortly afterwards he should pass.

It's bless'ed ghastly for sure.

[6pairsofshoes]

That sounds pretty awful.  I suspect the medical professionals who are handling this are also frustrated not to be able to do more to end his suffering.  I hope that the end comes soon so that you can all find some peace.

[smokester]

That sounds pretty awful.  I suspect the medical professionals who are handling this are also frustrated not to be able to do more to end his suffering.  I hope that the end comes soon so that you can all find some peace.

It's certainly a strange position to find oneself.

Dying slowly is unpleasant for the person doing it, but the people making decisions about it often aren't the person doing it.

I think the trick is to continually ask oneself what they would want (given that "good health" is not an option), and that very often is not what the relatives want.

My mother essentially died from hypoxic brain damage so I've been here before. I remember the consultant asking what my mother would want and had we ever had this conversation. I replied that I hadn't really addressed the topic of her being completely brain dead as it's not the sort of thing you discuss over dinner. What I did say was that my mother was highly educated (Grammar school and a degree in sociology) and fiercely intelligent so I could say with my hand on my heart that, to her, the thought of having no physical ability beyond dribbling and almost no cognitive processes would be her #1 nightmare. We (the family) all agreed to remove her ventilator and she passed within 5 minutes of them doing so.

Barry (my father-in-law) is still with us so we're still on tender hooks.

[smokester]

Barry is still holding his own although my brother-in-law who gives us constant feedback has said his breathing is getting shallower - whatever that implies?

Now the hospital are talking "hospice" so we're are all emotionally confused and not sure what to hope for.

[6pairsofshoes]

Hospice is code for "we can't do anything medically, so take him out of hospital to be comfortable elsewhere" as near as I can tell.

In the U.S. with hospice, there is the possibility of keeping the patient in the hospital, but the strategy for treatment is mostly palliative care.  We took my mother home and she lived a week to the day that the oncologist said she'd last.  It was stressful, but she got better attention than in the hospital.  She got daily visits from a nursing aide who bathed her and the hospice nurse came by regularly (she was a wonderful woman).  The hospice organization had a nurse on call 24 hours a day, in case of problems or questions.  I can't think of a better end to her life, despite the suffering, she was surrounded by loved ones who did their best to care for her.  We were all staying at my sibling's house so there were 4 adults dealing with her care at all hours and plenty of people were able to visit and say goodbye.

I'm sorry for your situation and hope it ends soon and peacefully. 

[8ullfrog]

My Grandpa got out of hospice once.

Stuck around another two years.

He hated the food in there, requested we smuggle him in some carl's jr.

I went to the same carl's jr we went to when I was in school, ordered his old "regular order".

We were sat at an outdoor table (Less likely to get caught.)

We bit into our burgers and were utterly disgusted. Carl's had gone to poo.

For all their stupid flashy ads, they put out a surprisingly below acceptable burger.

It was an extremely demoralizing moment. But he made an unexpected recovery and got to go home.

The second time around he had in home hospice care.

[smokester]

So, they moved Barry yesterday to a hospice and removed all life support and sometime during the early hours today, he passed away. Apparently it was a peaceful departure and he just drifted away.

Still a bit of a shock as we thought it would take a few days at least, but I'm sort of glad (more relieved) that he's no longer in that vegetative state.

Scraped my new van yesterday and was terribly upset (it wasn't that bad), then I remembered Barry and had to slap myself. Hard.

[dweez]

I'm sorry you and your family had to go through this but am glad it was a peaceful passing and you guys had time to begin processing it. I'm here for you if you need anything.

[smokester]

I'm sorry you and your family had to go through this but am glad it was a peaceful passing and you guys had time to begin processing it. I'm here for you if you need anything.

Many thanks dweez.

My missus spent the weekend down with her mother (it was her mum's birthday on Sunday to top it) so all in all she'd visited her dad 3 times while he was in that deteriorated condition. This really helped her get ready to grieve as she knew there was definitely no way back.

I lost a very dear friend and I'll always miss him.

[smokester]

I've said it before, and doubtless I'll say it again: condolences.

Spoiler (hover to show)

(For the van as well)

Thanks, I appreciate the concern.

The van was a muscle memory manoeuvre pulling into my lockup. Forgot the new van is considerably longer and has to turn around the tight corners of a garage lot later than with the Vivaro (L1).

[6pairsofshoes]

I'm so sorry to hear about your father in law.  I'm sure it's been really hard on all of you.  My condolences.

And the van?  It's just stuff.  I had a brand new car parked in front of our house and someone across the street backed out of the neighbor's driveway and hit it, leaving a small dent.  I watched in amazement and anger as they drove away without stopping.  It was to be the first of several such hit and runs.  But the car still runs fine, so that's what matters.  I know it's annoying to have a new imperfection on a proud new possession, but like you said, there's more important things at the end of the day.

[goldshirt*9]

Condolences friend 

[8ullfrog]

I remember many small things bothering me more than they should have when I lost my dad. The world seemed clearer and crueler.

Every little irritation was like "Why am I focusing on this, DAMNIT".

Don't beat yourself up on it. At least partially you're dealing with trauma, and that shock can severely golly with the day to day.

Take the time you need to process. Autopilot can golly with us all, and at least this scrape was minor.

One thing I find helpful when I start getting super bless'ed stressed out is to act like I'm piloting a ship, instead of my body, and making sure each action is a one off. Reach the arm over there to pick up the pen. Don't knock the glass of water over with my elbow, focus on what I am writing.

Multi-tasking is a bane.

Another thing I find helpful, when I need to get something done, is to make sure the music I am listening to is instrumental, or doesn't have lyrics. It helps keep me on track.

I am sorry for your loss. I know the words can sometimes feel empty, but I really am sorry. When we lose someone, it leaves a long shadow.