Friday the 13th
This movie has seriously influenced a lot, but I'm surprised.
First, it didn't start like I remember it, and that's a bit of a startle. Seriously, I remember it opening in a different way. But I can't complain.
Honestly, the town it opens in reminds me a lot of Cedar Grove NJ, a town I lived in briefly. I never really got to know Cedar Grove, but apparently my mom grew up there.
Maybe I'll load this one up on chromecast for her.
I do not like the camp manager dude, total sleazefuck. I feel bad for the girl who is doing repairs on the camp, she shouldn't have to put up with his poo, 1980 or not.
I do like the campgrounds, gorgeous land, and a rather nice lake. Shame about the knife murderer.
Total joker moron nearly guts a female counselor on the archery range. I figure that's a note. Like somebody is going to die via archery later on. Not exactly subtle.
Same time, holy poo, don't shoot arrows as a joke!
Okay, this part is a bit more familiar, our intro character is running from their driver."Annie" When they were supposed to turn off at the camp, they kept driving, and our intro character jumped out of the jeep, points for her moxy.
Shame it doesn't count for much, her throat gets opened. As much as I love horror movies, this just seems wrong.
I know this is probably set in summer, but the water looks super cold.
joker uses a CPR moment to try and sneak a make-out. What a prick.
Snake!
I dig the whole ensemble against the snake, it's charming. The director did good.
Snake gets chopped.
Honestly, as much as I love horror movies, that ensemble was way better than the kill-em-all spirit in most of these movies. I want to see them make summer camp work. Shame that isn't in the cards.
We get a probable problem subject in "Ralph" the town crazy. I know I'm speaking from a point of experience, but I don't think Ralph is the threat here.
Never Hike Alone is disproven, Pamela Vorhees is not the chef, a toe headed girl is.
(I learned toe headed is a hairstyle a ways back. Think Luke Skywalker. But that's '77, this movie is '80.)
I am seriously weirded out that the movie opened different than I remember. I recall a blue truck and going right to the big knife of the first kill, and that's flat out wrong. That's scarrier than a movie monster.
Okay, we get a serious scare with Kevin Bacon. His girlfriend talks about rains of blood, and a thunderstorm is coming.
I didn't spend any time in upstate NY, but in NJ, summer thunderstorms came up fast, no warning. You'd just have to head inside. Total murder movie bait.
No slayer style Reign in blood.
Even worse, they go for it. To be fair, the trope had not been established before now. Poor bastards are the reference point.
Toe headed girl is worried, but goes inside to stoke the fire. Can't blame her.
They're not in the dining hall from Never Hike Alone, they're in one of the cabins.
Kevin Bacon and his girl are having fun.
Total bottom is dead, in the bunk above them. They're super bent.
Kind of interesting that death happened off camera.
The other kids are playing strip monopoly, with weed!
KB gets ditched by his girl, I figure he's bent.
We get a name on toe headed girl, Alice.
KB pops smoke, of the roach variation.
OH HOLY golly, an arrow gets jabbed up throug his throat. That's... traumatic.
Like, NOW, golly the 1980's.
His girl is in.. a boat shed? Maybe I should watch the movie, THEN review.
She dies in the shower shed. Hatchet to the face.
The three alive people are doing alive things, but one of the camp counselors wants to check the windows of her cabin. Bad idea.
Even Strip Monopoly, which she instigated, is a better idea.
Not that she knows about the MURDERING.
We get a solid count at 49:00, six counselors. So far we're down 3. Arrow dipshit, Marcie, and Kevin Bacon
Apparently Kevin Bacon is Jack, and arrow dipshit is Ned. He's dead as golly, either way.
So Marcie, Ned, and Jack are dead. I don't know what moustache camp leader is named, but the murderer used his jeep to kill first girl. I found most of the names through google, the movie is stingy.
OH, the dehorsing is superb. Jeep broke down, mustache dude caught a ride with the cops.
Not bad, not bad at all.
Candles exist. I didn't know they made convenient candle holsters, but I probably should have known that.
Oh me of the LED generation.
I still don't know this girl's name, but she hasn't broken "Da rules" I mean yeah she drank beer and played strip monopoly, but she didn't do drugs or engage in premarital sex.
She's earned a pass, but I have a strong feeling she will be next to die.
I do wonder at the lure, we got the sound of a kid, and that's not an easy fake.
Oh poo, we got "It's not funny anymore" that's a death flag. She's on the archery range, we already got an archery kill.
Essentially we're down to two camp counselors. And it's bucollic. Fireplace and accoustic guitar
Brenda! I found her name through wiki. I imagine her life extends to the seconds mark.
So it's Bill and Toe Head. Sorry, Alice.
Both are way too comfortable, considering. I do note a Piano. Won't help you against a hatchet murderer, but is certainly a thunderstorm boredom cure.
We get a very believable problem - the phone doesn't work. The truck doesn't work, standard horror movie rules.
Apparently camp lead is named Steve?
Steve dies. Very efficient, this movie.
We're down to Bill and Alice.
Bill shows us how to light a lamp and stupidly sallies forth.
Like, there you go. You've got two camp lanterns, things are... subnominal.
Wait until Dawn. Bill, you fool!
Okay, Alice is screwing around in the kitchen. Coffee Crystals and sugar.
Kind of feel like twinkees and budweiser were the solution to all this, no arrow murder.
Alice found Bill's poncho, he's dead as golly.
Yup, throat slit, at least three arrows. SG-1 kind of makes his death anticlimactic. for 1980, it's probably nuts.
Gotta say though, looking at it, I'm guessing his throat got cut, and the arrows are post mortem to golly with alice.
Alice isn't dumb, she rigs the door and closes the curtains, I'm not sure what else she was supposed to do.
Oh, she goes further, checks the whole cabin, camps on the fridge, not bad.
Oh poo, Brenda is dead.
Pam gets a brief innocent portion, but it doesn't last long. Pam Vorhees goes nuts FAST.
Annie got loaded in the jeep, Steve is a jumpscare on the porch.
Honestly, Alice shoud have pulped pam's bless'ed head. Like, that's my horror movie rule. You think you have the mastermind, turn their head into pumpkin guts. Don't run until you are sure.
Wait, what the golly, there was a shed full of guns? Seriously, what the golly?
Okay, the ammo was secured. Very responsanble.
Kinda bent alice though.
Oh dang, even without ammo, alice slammed the stock into Pam's... let's say nether regions?
I mean, I'd smash the skull, but dealer's choice.
Oh god damnit, we get a nightmare, the lightly locked door. Like sure, you lock it, but the monster can smash through.
And Alice didn't know how to hide it. Pam comes through with a machete. Alice has a frypan.
Alice SHOULD take Pam's head, like a highlander. But she doesn't. Because stupidity.
I mean yeah, eventually, Machete for Pam.
And then stupid dream sequence. I don't get that.
Like, Alice in the lake, that's a hell of a visual effect, I don't blame them for that.
But crispy critter Jason poppling up and dragging alice into the lake? CHEAP!
Even with all the trauma, I don't buy it.
Okay, maybe I get the Freddy V. Jason if he exists as a lake based nightmare.
I mean, Alice did take Pam's head, but most of it, typical 80's shitshow.
Entire campground compromised, mass death, Camp Crystal Lake does not pass review.
