Topic: Amusing Spam Threats

[dweez]

I come from a Snooker background so I used to find pool a bit of a doddle - especially American pool with the large pockets. That was before my eyes decided to become  super-low-definition. 

I completely understand. I watch a fair amount of snooker on YT and it is definitely a tier above American pool.

[6pairsofshoes]

This morning's missive from "Max Brain," "New Smart Pill Increases Intelligence."
I wonder if it's possible to overdose on that?  And what's in it, anyway?

More sad news, "Your membership has expired. #506768364" from Hulu.  Funny, as I don't have a Hulu membership.  Just as well...

[8ullfrog]

Jazz Fezz sent: Easy to cremate landing page - sca tte Done Forno Need to worry about landing page we have done Pain full work for you!

Is that... a threat?

Also, like you, my Netf'lix242390 my sub5cription is on hold, Rene'wal my bills!

[6pairsofshoes]

From "Prime,"
"YOUR ACCOUNT PRIME..WILL-BE REMOVED TODAY" 

They just couldn't even be bothered with normal word order. 

And, from "United Nations Commission,"  (If you read through this, it soon becomes evident that math skills are not among this guy's strengths.  But you have to give him kudos for creativity.)

My Dear Friend,

I am Mr.Desmond Harvey the Assistant Director Inspection Unit/United Nations Inspection agent in London Heathrow Airport. During my recent withheld package routine check at the Airport Storage Vault, I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat in London and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in the Metal Trunk Boxes weighing approximately 605.00 kg. The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as "MONEY" rather it was declared as "PERSONAL EFFECT" to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the Non Inspection Charges which is about GBЈ7,800.

On my assumption, the box will contain more than GBЈ25Million to GBЈ30Million and the consignment is still left in our Storage House here at the London Heathrow Airport till date. The details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official document from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Metal Trunk box.

...

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and share the money equally since the consignment has not yet been returned to the United Kingdom Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat so immediately the confirmation is made, I will pay for the Non Inspection Fee and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep to avoid any more trouble. But I will share it 60%/40% with you. But you have to assure me of my 40% share.

I am on inspection just email me and make sure you include your mobile number so that I can give you a call. I wait to hear from you urgently if you are still alive.

Ha!  I guess if I'm dead, I can take my time.

[smokester]

What the hell is the currency "GBJ"? It reminds of fonejacker:

[8ullfrog]

I'm glad for our little thread here, I rarely checked my spam filter before, but yesterday I found out a doctor's appointment had been sent to spam.
Thankfully I made it to the appointment today, but if I hadn't been checking spam, I would have been out the appointment.

[6pairsofshoes]

Happy to be of service!

From Cognilux:  "AB1-4 Warning Signs of Dementia (#2 is Scary)"

AB1-4 sounds like the name of a bill awaiting passage through the legislature.  I guess only one aspect of losing one's marbles is scary?  BTW I just got a lovely note and obituary from a friend whose husband had died of Alzheimers.  We were friends from college and I remember that when he was in college he had to take time off to care for his mother who also died of Alzheimers, so it seems to have been an inherited trait.  The whole business is really sad.

[6pairsofshoes]

From "Trump 2024:  Make America Great Again!" an email filled with misinformation and accusations about President Biden and waves of illegal immigrants flooding the southern border, as well as plentiful offers to purchase Trump merchandise.  An ugly blue hat promising that "Trump will be back" a menacing looking pocket knife with a flag handle, etc.

Incidentally, on FB there are amusing speculations about his weight after he submitted a statement listing height as 6'3" and weight as 215 lb. on the occasion of having to submit himself to the Fulton County Jail yesterday.  In his dreams.  Ha ha.  I suspect this blubber fest tips the scales at around 280.

[6pairsofshoes]

From the bleeding obvious dept.
Today:  "damiano.capurso" writes to remind me
"You have forgotten something"  -- bonus points for the imaginative fake Italian sounding name.  Even more fun to google him.

From "Home Warranty Offer" -- "Household breakdowns happen" (particularly troubling if you are motoring along on the M4, and probably worse on I-95)

And LeafFilter Partner reminds me, "The End is Near!"
Time to bring out your dead, I guess...

[smokester]

I can't stand this type of email as they always spoof my email address to add credibility to their threat. Interesting that after hacking all my devices, he/she still doesn't know my name or my IP - or that I don't have a video cam:

Hi there!

Unfortunately, I need to start our conversation with bad news for you.
Around few months back I managed to get full access to all devices of yours, which are used by you on a daily basis to browse internet.
Afterwards, I could initiate monitoring and tracking of all your activities on the internet.

I am proud to share the sequence of how it happened:
In the past I bought from hackers the access to various email accounts (today, that is rather a simple thing to do online).
Clearly, it was not hard at all for me to log in to your email account (my email address).

A week after that, I had already managed to effortlessly install Trojan virus to Operating Systems of all devices that are currently in your use, and as result gained access to your email.
To be honest, that was not really difficult at all (because you were eagerly opening the links from your inbox emails).
I know, I am a genius. (=

With help of that software, I can gain access to all controllers in your devices (such as video camera, keyboard and microphone).
As result, I downloaded to my remote cloud servers all your personal data, photos and other information including web browsing history.
Likewise, I have complete access to all your social networks, messengers, chat history, emails, as well as contacts list.
My intelligent virus unceasingly refreshes its signatures (due to its driver-based nature), and hereby stays unnoticed by your antivirus software.

Herbey, I believe that now you finally start realizing how I could easily remain unnoticed all this while until this very letter...
While collecting information related to you, I had also unveiled that you are a true fan of porn sites.
You truly enjoy browsing through adult sites and watching horny vids, while playing your dirty solo games.
Bingo! I also recorded several filthy scenes with you in the main focus and montaged some dirty videos, which demonstrate your passionate masturbation and cum sessions.

In case you still don't believe me, all I need is just one-two mouse clicks to make all your unmasking videos become available to your friends, colleagues, and even relatives.
Well, if you still doubt me, I can easily make recorded videos of your orgasms become a public.
I truly believe that you surely would avoid that from happening, taking in consideration the type of the XXX videos you love watching, (you are clearly aware of what I mean) it will result in a huge disaster for you.

Well, there is still a way to settle this tricky situation in a peaceful manner:
You will need to transfer $950 USD to my account (refer to Bitcoin equivalent based on the exchange rate at the moment transfer), so once funds transfer is complete, I will straight away proceed with deleting all that dirty content from servers once and for all.

Afterwards, you can consider that we never met before. You have my honest word, that all the harmful software will also be deactivated and deleted from all your devices currently in use. Worry not, I keep my promises.
That is truly a win-win solution that comes at a relatively reduced cost, mostly knowing how much effort I spent on monitoring your profile and traffic for a considerably long time.
In event that you have no idea about means of buying and transferring bitcoins - don't hesitate to use any search engine for your assistance (e.g., Google, Yahoo, Bing, etc.).

My bitcoin wallet is as follows: 1G8U8mNRBkBPmMrHZ3MMZnM1dH5bLKhLhp
An important notice: I have specified my Bitcoin wallet with spaces, hence once you carry out a transfer, please make sure that you key-in my bitcoin address without spaces to be sure that your funds successfully reach my wallet.
I have allocated 48 hours for you to do that, and the timer started right after you opened this very email (2 days to be exact).

Don't even think of doing anything of the following:
! Abstain from attempting to reply me (this email was created by me inside your inbox page and the return address was generated accordingly).
! Abstain from attempting to get in touch with police or any other security services. Moreover, don't even think of sharing this to you friends.
 Once I discover this (apparently, that is absolutely easy for me, taking in consideration that I have complete control over all systems you use) -  kinky video will straight away be made public.
! Don't even think of attempting to find me – that is completely useless. Don't forget that all cryptocurrency transactions remain completely anonymous.
! Don't attempt reinstalling the OS on all your devices or getting rid of them. That won't lead you to success either,  because I have already saved all videos at my remote servers as a backup.

Things you should not be concerned about:
! That your funds transfer won't reach my wallet.
- Worry not, I can see everything, hence after you finish the transfer, I will get a notification right away  (trojan virus of mine uses a remote-control feature, which functions similarly to TeamViewer).
! That I will still distribute your videos although you make the funds transfer.
- My word, I have no intention or interest in continuing making your life troublesome.
 Anyway, If I truly wanted that, it would happen long time ago without me notifying you!

Everything can be settled in a peaceful and just way!
And lastly... make sure you don't get caught afterwards in such type of incidents anymore!
My fair advice - ensure you change all your passwords on a regular basis.

[6pairsofshoes]

I love the very business-like salutation, "Hi there!" followed by descriptions of his infiltration of your data and montages of your porn videos, representing your adventures with the Sin of Onan.  He hits you up for money and then gives you some advice.

Brilliant.  I know they are warming up some seats in Hell for this guy.  I wouldn't respond, but if I did, I would encourage him to release the videos and tell him you will charge him with copyright infringement as soon as he does.  To wit, "my lawyer can beat up your lawyer."

[6pairsofshoes]

Checking today's harvest of 72 Junk Mails:
[email protected] informs:
"I have got a bad news for you"  He sounds Italian.  Bonus:  "Hi there! I am a professional hacker"  followed by the same script that smokes received.

"I have a strong-a desire to punch a you in the nose-a!  Badda bing! Get outta heah before you maka me mad!"

[smokester]

.... I wouldn't respond ....

The thing is, you can't respond. He/she spoofs the very email he/she sends it to so all you have is your own address and their IP.

[6pairsofshoes]

So if I write to diotocardia, it will come back to me?
I wouldn't respond, but it's fun to think of what I'd say if I did.

[smokester]

So if I write to diotocardia, it will come back to me?
I wouldn't respond, but it's fun to think of what I'd say if I did.

In your case you have an address.  In my case the scammer has sent an email (from command line or something) using my own email address as both the sender and recipient. They have done this to make it look like they've hacked my email account (and so all my  devices) - and I'd imagine a lot of people would readily fall for that - but they haven't. My account is intact as I host it via the the VPS that this site sits on. They are truly barking up the wrong tree.

I could harvest their IP and report it for phishing, but as they don't even need a mailserver to send this poo (it's just a request) there is absolutely no way to respond.