Topic: Amusing Spam Threats

[smokester]

I personally use Google workspace so I have craploads of cloud space if I need it. However, I also run Nextcloud on our home server so I (and anyone else I choose) can just upload to that and I can access the data locally.

[8ullfrog]

I'm just trying to figure out what's taking up half of her google storage, from what I can see from checking it she's only got 500mb of files on there, which is far less than my email uses, and I'm at like, 1gb

[6pairsofshoes]

I think they like to send those out regardless of how much space you've used.  I often get these threatening sounding emails in spam.  Once in a while it inspires me to clean out my email files.

[dweez]

If you haven't 8ullfrog, try emptying the trash. We're transitioning away from Google storage here where I work and a lot of people were surprised to find that the trash objects still count against their quota but isn't included in the "total used". So you look like you have space but actually don't.

[8ullfrog]

Her tablet literally hung when I tried to go backwards in time.

I logged in on my desktop.

It really is all emails, mostly "daily updates"

The San Diego Patch alone had 3,400 emails in her inbox.

[6pairsofshoes]

The latest string of warnings:
Your (fill in the blank: Netflix; Peacock TV; Hulu TV) membership has expired!  Extend your membership, just give us all of your banking details...

Your system has been infected with (26) viruses

Lowes has been trying to reach me to give me a gift card

Your account has been flagged for suspicious activity...

And on the bodily failures front:
"When your butt doesn't smell like butt" (Lume Deodorant.  But how would I even know?  It's anatomically awkward to smell one's own butt).

If you are in a hurry "One Day Fat Removal" from Bello Lipo

Blissy wants to know:  "Do you wake up tired, with dry skin and damaged hair?"  Wow.  I hope not.

[6pairsofshoes]

In today's regular emails.  Two messages from various stores saying the same thing:

"BLACK FRIDAY STARTS NOW!!!"  But it's Sunday.  Give it a rest, eh?

[6pairsofshoes]

Relief for all the sad souls out there:
From "Message for you"  "Say goodbye to loneliness!"

and in order to stay connected, more good news,
Congratulations!  "30 seconds to a Free iPhone 15 Pro!"  Just fill in all your bank details and your security information, right?

And if you want to look your best, "Byte Invisible Braces" announces "Byte's Biggest Sale Ever!"  two of those messages from slightly different senders.  Hmmmm!  As orthodontia is expensive, I'm sure this will be welcome news to some.

[smokester]

Weirdly, virtually all of the spam I get now is just telling my I've won something or other. I do get the odd "failed to deliver" scam notification, but they are hardly threatening.

Bit boring, really.

[6pairsofshoes]

Yeah.  If I could edit the topic title, I'd just call it "Amusing Spam" since most of what shows up amounts to feeble marketing attempts.  The threats are good but less frequent.

Today: Mr. William Harry writes to say, "Hello Dear, Your fund is ready to release without paying the fees..."
The actual email is pretty entertaining so I'll post it here.  In short, it sounds like they are offering me a free trip to Nigeria!  And possibly a new outfit PLUS history books!  How can I refuse!

Hello Dear,

How are you today? Sequel to the previous email that I sent to you regarding our transaction which we have not finalized due to lack of money to pay for the charges that will enable us conclude this transaction.

As a matter of all details, I have been able to discussed with my contact person where the funds is currently being lodge in Finance Security Firm as I really want us to finalize this transaction within this month which he gave me good news today that you will not spend any money from your pocket till you receive your funds.

In our series of discussion today, he made me to understand that what is required is to get oil that will be used to clean up the funds before releasing it to you either through cash or bank transfer and what you need is to have a valid international passport which you will use to go to where we will buy the oil as the bonafide beneficiary of the funds and bring it with some gifts like (clothes, shoes or history books) that will be given to the Officials in the Finance Security Firm.

Actually, you should note that it's my contact person will take care of your expenses both flight tickets and hotel accommodation so don't hesitate to get back to me as soon as you receive this message with copy of your valid international passport with the name of your nearest airport to enable us move forward towards conclusion of this transaction for you to receive your funds and start investments of your choice and thereby enjoys the fruits of your labour as God has answered our prayers. Thanks for your maximum co-operations and understanding towards conclusion of this transaction. Have a nice day and remain blessed.

Waiting for your urgent response.
Best regards,
Mr. William Harry.
NB: You are to reply this message to my private email address [email protected]

[smokester]

Dear Sir/Madam ,

Good day, I am David Williams., a solicitor. I decided to contact you regarding this proposition. A client of mine, who is privy to his financial records died mischievously and without making a will in March 23, 2022. I am contacting you to be a beneficiary to my deceased client and I felt you can assist me in securing his fund as his next of kin, before the Security Firm declares it insolvent/liquidated. The deposit fund is US$48 million. The Security Firm where the fund is deposited has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin and also present a letter of administration, confirming that you are the next of kin and beneficiary of the fund domiciled with their Security Firm. If you agree to work with me and serve as his next of kin, then the modalities for sharing the funds between us will be mutually decided. I suggest a percentage of 50% for me and 50% for you. All legal documents to back up your claim as the deceased next of kin will be issued to you for submission !
to the Security Firm. All I requir

This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Looking forward to hearing from you.reply me here with this

Regards,
David Williams Esq

So, you have a client who is privy to his own financial records - there's a thing - and he died "mischievously".

What a way to go!

[dweez]

He's a dead scamp.

[smokester]

He's a dead scamp.

Hey, that's my uncle you're talking about!

[6pairsofshoes]

I also hope to die mischievously.  It might take the edge off.   

[goldshirt*9]

"So I said, let me ask you a question and he said, nobody ever asked this question and it must be because of MIT, my relationship to MIT. Very smart. He goes, I say, what would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you're in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery and the battery is now underwater and there's a shark that's approximately 10 yards over there, by the way, a lot of shark attacks lately, do you notice that a lot of shark? I watched some guys justifying it today. Well, they weren't really that angry. They bit off the young lady's leg because of the fact that they were, they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what who she was? These people are. He said there's no problem with sharks. They just didn't really understand a young woman swimming now. It really got decimated and other people do a lot of shark attacks. So I said, so there's a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here, do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking? Water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted? Because I will tell you he didn't know the answer. He said, you know, nobody's ever asked me that question. I said, I think it's a good question. I think there's a lot of electric current coming through that water. But you know what I'd do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted, I'll take electrocution every single time"


OK - not SPAM, but an excerpt from a campaign speech by a current US Presidential candidate. Say what?