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Author Topic: Good Jokes.  (Read 165184 times)

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Offline teech

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #105 on: March 31, 2009, 10:53:51 AM »
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
...

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
...

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'


Do you remember Tommy Cooper. This was his sort of humour. I don't think that today he would be so popular. But i used to like him. I am sorry i posted this first in the new part but was shown that i could have posted here at the end of this thread. Blondes aye. Who would let 'em loose?


Teech
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Offline smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #106 on: March 31, 2009, 10:56:28 AM »
Thanks for doing that teech, and I removed the other "jokes" thread.
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Offline dweez

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #107 on: March 31, 2009, 11:07:32 AM »
These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"
The string says "Yeah."
The bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."
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Offline ohcheap1

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #108 on: March 31, 2009, 12:09:17 PM »
^^^These are punishable by flogging  ;D ^^^
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Offline Robin-Graves

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #109 on: April 01, 2009, 08:31:01 PM »
*makes note to find soonest date for the flogging*
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #110 on: April 11, 2009, 11:24:06 AM »
METAL FAIRY TALES!

Scenario:

A princess is held captive in a castle by a Dragon.

POWER METAL:

The Hero comes riding in on a unicorn, sneaking past the dragon, rescues the princess and makes love with her in the Magical Forest...

TRASH METAL:

The Hero comes, fights the dragon, naffs the princess.

HEAVY METAL:

The Hero comes riding in on a Harley, Kills the dragon, drink a couple of beers and naffs the princess.

FOLK METAL:

The Hero comes with a lot of friends, playing flutes and a whole bunch of wacky instruments. The dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing), everyone goes home without the princess.

COUNTRY METAL:

The hero comes in his truck, spits, and looks the dragon in the eye and tells him "you best leave mah sister lone, else you'll be one sorry sum'madam". The bucktooth Dragon ignores him and keeps playing his banjo. The Hero and the princess rides of to live in a trailer park.

VIKING METAL:

The Hero comes in a viking ship, and slays the dragon with an Axe, skins it and eats it. He then rapes the princess, pillage and burns the castle before sailing home.

DEATH METAL:

The Hero comes, kills the dragon, kills the princess, goes home.

BLACK METAL:

The Hero comes at midnight, kills the dragon and crucify it in front of the castle. He then rapes and kills the princess, drink her blood, before crucifying her next to the dragon and walking away.

GORE METAL:

The Hero comes, kills the dragon and tosses the intestines around. He then naffs the princess and kills her. He then naffs her again, light her corps on fire and naffs her a third time.

DOOM METAL:

The Hero comes, sees the dragon and says "golly... I can't beat that", becomes depressed and commit suicide. The dragon eats the Hero and the princess.

GRUNGE METAL:

The hero comes, makes the dragon depressed, and OD's in the princesses chamber three days later.

LOVE METAL:

The Hero comes riding in on a white horse, singing "Myyyyyyyyy Truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove". the dragon flees. The Hero rescues the princess and lights a cigarette, but dies on the way home from a broken heart.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The Hero comes and play a 26 minutes long guitar solo. the dragon kills himself out of boredom. The Hero enters the princesses chamber and plays another 26 minutes guitar solo. The princess runs away in search of the Heavy Metal Hero.

GLAM METAL:

The Hero comes. The dragon drops over from laughter upon seeing his outfit and make-up, and simply lets him walk on by. the Hero enters the princesses chamber, steals her make-up, before painting the castle pink with nail polish.

NU METAL:

The Hero comes in a car. He fights the dragon, but dies when he gets tangled up in those ridiculously wide clothes he's wearing. The princess takes part in a reality show.





...AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER...

 :D :D :D
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Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #111 on: April 11, 2009, 09:02:05 PM »
 :D

True!
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #112 on: April 12, 2009, 09:30:22 AM »
Truer:

CHRISTIAN METAL:

The Hero comes and knocks on the castle door. the dragon refuses to open up. the Hero leaves a note for the princess regarding the virtue of abstinence.
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Offline CMF

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #113 on: April 12, 2009, 05:17:07 PM »
 :D :D :D :D

Where did you get these from  ???

We gotta male a video with this!
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #114 on: April 12, 2009, 09:09:06 PM »
I translated it from a Norwegian list I had...

I added the GRUNGE, COUNTRY and CHRISTIAN, though...

Quote from: CMF on April 12, 2009, 05:17:07 PM
We gotta male a video with this!

was that make, mayhaps..? ;) :P ;D

Sure... would be a great skit...  :D
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Offline CMF

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #115 on: April 12, 2009, 09:20:44 PM »
I see it more as a cartoon, unless some of you want to dress like a knight or a princess, be my guest  :D
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #116 on: April 12, 2009, 09:55:57 PM »
LOL

Is somewhat pythonesque... :D :D :D
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Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #117 on: April 13, 2009, 07:25:05 AM »
I'm not sure if I'd like to be the princess in here.
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Offline HDAngel

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #118 on: April 21, 2009, 02:38:11 AM »
Two little old ladies are sitting at the bus stop, waiting to go down town. As it starts to rain, the one old lady reaches in her purse and pulls out a condom. She then cuts the tip off and places it over her cigarette. The other old lady sees this and comments ?That?s great. What is it?? The first old lady tells her it is a condom. The second old lady asks where she can get these condoms. ?You can get them at any pharmacy? replies the first old lady. Once they are down town the old lady heads straight for the pharmacy.  The pharmacist notices the old lady, standing in front of the condoms looking a little puzzled. He asks her if he could be of any assistance. She tells him she needs some condoms. He then asks her what size condoms she needs. Thinking for a moment she replies ?one that will fit a Camel.?
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I may not have my Cherry, but I still have the Box it came in.

Offline HDAngel

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #119 on: April 21, 2009, 02:40:04 AM »
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.

 Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
 A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
 
 Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
 A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

 Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
 A: Always wear a condom.
 
 Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
 A: Your car.
 
 Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
 A: Be too poo-faced to find your keys.
 
 Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
 A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
 
 Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
 A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
 
 Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
 A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
 
 Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
 A: The color.
 
 Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
 A: Heavy psychedelics.
 
 Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
 A: Carry loaded weapons.
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I may not have my Cherry, but I still have the Box it came in.
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