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Author Topic: Good Jokes.  (Read 165178 times)

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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #60 on: February 08, 2009, 12:41:46 AM »
Time for a memory test:

Q: What do you call a closet full of lesbians..?
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Offline smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #61 on: February 08, 2009, 05:53:18 PM »
Quote from: MisterAJ on February 08, 2009, 12:41:46 AM
Time for a memory test:

Q: What do you call a closet full of lesbians..?

Expensive, and only bookable in advance?
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline ohcheap1

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #62 on: February 08, 2009, 05:55:10 PM »
I think he was going for "A Licker cabinet"
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Offline smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #63 on: February 08, 2009, 05:59:16 PM »
Quote from: ohcheap1 on February 08, 2009, 05:55:10 PM
I think he was going for "A Licker cabinet"

*cough.. oh yeah and that too,.. I was miles away :)
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #64 on: February 08, 2009, 09:51:15 PM »
Or A closet full of sensible shoes.
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #65 on: February 08, 2009, 11:45:41 PM »
Quote from: ohcheap1 on February 08, 2009, 05:55:10 PM
I think he was going for "A Licker cabinet"

the play-on-words would be liquor cabinet... ;)


"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"


A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother comes to visit. When she arrives, she is shocked to find her daughter standing naked at the front door. "What are you doing!" insists her mother. "Mom, it's my love dress! Don't you like it?" "I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

A few weeks later, the mother arrives at her daughter's house once. Again, she is shocked when her naked daughter answers the door to greet her. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my love dress! It keeps the marriage spicy!" "I'll give you a few more weeks," replies her mother, as she turns and leaves for the car.

Later that night, the mother decides to try it for herself. When her husband arrives home, she greets him at the front door in the nude. "Honey, what are hell are you doing!" remarks the husband. "It's my love dress, dear! What do you think of it?" "Well, to be perfectly honest," replies her husband, "I think you should have ironed it first!"
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Offline dweez

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #66 on: February 09, 2009, 12:01:17 PM »
How do you top a car?

Spoiler (hover to show)

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler (hover to show)

What do you call a yo-you that only goes down?

Spoiler (hover to show)

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you?

Spoiler (hover to show)
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--dweez

Offline Robin-Graves

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #67 on: February 10, 2009, 11:04:59 PM »
I know a dirty joke


Mariage
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I keep my standards low.
That way im never disapointed.

Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #68 on: February 11, 2009, 10:22:25 AM »
Quote from: Jhb48430 on February 10, 2009, 11:06:54 PM
You've already told that one

So why don't you come up with something better..?
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Offline knownassociate

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #69 on: February 11, 2009, 10:27:07 AM »
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

...A licalottapuss
« Last Edit: February 11, 2009, 10:34:12 AM by knownassociate »
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Offline ohcheap1

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #70 on: February 14, 2009, 01:50:54 PM »
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #71 on: February 14, 2009, 02:11:11 PM »
There is this lady and she is struggling having a baby so the doctor brings out these pills and he
tells her each of these pills takes away a quarter of the pain, but sends it to the father of the baby.

So she takes one and her husband says "Women are wimps, I feel no pain"

Then she takes another and her husband says "Man this doesn't hurt."

So she takes, two more and has no problem having the baby and neither her nor her husband are in pain.

Two days later they come home with the baby and the milk man is dead on their doorstep...


 ;D
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Offline ohcheap1

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #72 on: February 14, 2009, 02:23:35 PM »
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
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Offline smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #73 on: February 14, 2009, 02:56:30 PM »
Quote from: ohcheap1 on February 14, 2009, 02:23:35 PM
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

As my missus works for a Doctor's surgery, I can see this one doing the rounds. ;D
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #74 on: February 14, 2009, 03:25:41 PM »
Medical One liner jokes

Psychiatrists say that 1 out of every 4 people are mentally ill... Check 3 friends, if they?re okay, you?re it.


Pharmacist handing prescription to customer: "Take one of these every four hours. Or as often as you can get the cap off."


Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we?re very busy. Don?t keep saying ?It?s a madhouse.?"


The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don?t want, drink what you don?t like and do what you?d rather not.
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