Author Topic: Good Jokes.  (Read 165506 times)

0 Members and 5 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline smokester

  • Administrator
  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 15941
  • Gender: Male
  • Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo!
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #180 on: February 10, 2010, 10:12:20 AM »

"Nut screws washers and bolts"

Did the police later nail him?
Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline redlandslide

  • Site Moderator
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 5328
  • Gender: Male
  • "We want a shrubbery!"
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #181 on: February 10, 2010, 10:23:31 AM »
Did the police later nail him?

That joke was tacky.  :P

Offline dweez

  • Global Moderator
  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 11622
  • Gender: Male
  • Rebel Mod
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #182 on: February 10, 2010, 11:14:43 AM »
You're a tool.
--dweez

Offline chekovsulu

  • Human
  • *****
  • Posts: 1671
  • Gender: Male
  • With powers of hawk, wolf, puma and bear.
    • TITLE!
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #183 on: February 10, 2010, 11:33:44 AM »
Erm... hit the nail on the head? :D

Now Zoidberg is the popular one!

Offline CMF

  • V.I.P
  • Homo Superior
  • *
  • Posts: 2615
  • Gender: Male
  • Intelligence is relative.
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #184 on: February 10, 2010, 05:12:04 PM »
Heisenberg is driving over the speed limit. Policeman stops him and asks him:
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- No, he said. But I know where I am.

 :D :D :D
Spoiler (hover to show)

Offline dweez

  • Global Moderator
  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 11622
  • Gender: Male
  • Rebel Mod
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #185 on: February 13, 2010, 03:37:52 PM »
Heisenberg is driving over the speed limit. Policeman stops him and asks him:
- Do you know how fast you were going?
- No, he said. But I know where I am.

Hehe, I love the intellectual humor

:D :D :D
Spoiler (hover to show)

It's funny cuz it's true!
--dweez

Offline CMF

  • V.I.P
  • Homo Superior
  • *
  • Posts: 2615
  • Gender: Male
  • Intelligence is relative.
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #186 on: February 13, 2010, 04:46:21 PM »
Hehe, I love the intellectual humor

Two chemists walk into a bar. They decide to have a drinking contest. So one of them tells the barman:
-I'd like to have H2O, please.
-I want some H2O too, says the other one.

Needless to say, the first one won.

Offline AlienBC

  • Chief Sig Designer
  • Cro-Magnon
  • ****
  • Posts: 965
  • Gender: Male
  • VIA
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #187 on: February 13, 2010, 05:03:27 PM »
lol that is a classic  ;D ;D

Offline Methiah

  • Australopithecus
  • *
  • Posts: 74
  • Gender: Male
  • Follically Challenged
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #188 on: February 21, 2010, 02:15:24 PM »
Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other:
"Hey, wait up a second.  I think I lost an electron"
The first atom replied, "Are you sure?"
The second atom exclaimed, "Yes, I'm positive!"



Offline smokester

  • Administrator
  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 15941
  • Gender: Male
  • Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo!
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #189 on: February 21, 2010, 02:52:08 PM »

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."
Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline Robin-Graves

  • Rev AJ's Grand Inquisitor
  • Homo Superior
  • *
  • Posts: 4278
  • Gender: Male
  • Power doesnt give you the right
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #190 on: February 21, 2010, 07:29:24 PM »
The philospher Rishnu once said that a flute with no holes is not a flute.
And a donut with no holes is a danish.
I keep my standards low.
That way im never disapointed.

Offline smokester

  • Administrator
  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 15941
  • Gender: Male
  • Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo!
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #191 on: February 22, 2010, 02:39:29 AM »
A physicist and an engineer are in a hot-air balloon. They've been drifting for hours, and have no idea where they are. They see another person in a balloon, and call out to him: "Hey, where are we?" He replies, "You're in a balloon," and drifts off again. The engineer says to the physicist, "That person was obviously a mathematician." They physicist replies, "How do you know that?" "Because what he said was completely true, but utterly useless."

(I'm a mathematician by education and inclination, by the way)

Well that explains 53.4% of it.
Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline redlandslide

  • Site Moderator
  • Super Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 5328
  • Gender: Male
  • "We want a shrubbery!"
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #192 on: February 22, 2010, 09:48:07 AM »
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"



One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."


Offline ohcheap1

  • Q
  • *
  • Posts: 19082
  • Gender: Female
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #193 on: February 22, 2010, 02:11:27 PM »
.....The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
Told this in my Microsoft class today and it got a chuckle.

Offline Robin-Graves

  • Rev AJ's Grand Inquisitor
  • Homo Superior
  • *
  • Posts: 4278
  • Gender: Male
  • Power doesnt give you the right
Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #194 on: February 22, 2010, 03:03:54 PM »
A Pagan, a Christian and a Jew were all at a religious conferance when the three were walking down a hallway and saw a dustbin was on fire.
The Christian exclaims" Satan is tormenting us!" and runs away.
The Jew shouts " Its a sign from God!"

The Pagan gets out the fire extinguisher,, puts out the fire and says" Damned smokers!"
I keep my standards low.
That way im never disapointed.