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Author Topic: Good Jokes.  (Read 165500 times)

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Online smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #165 on: October 12, 2009, 02:49:09 PM »
On topic, here's something I found funny:

Quote
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much poo (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of poo it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough poo, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the poo you can get.
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline dweez

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #166 on: October 12, 2009, 02:55:38 PM »
BTW, if you didn't already guess it...this is smokester's management style here on the fora.
* dweez walks away all bow-legged and sore
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Online smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #167 on: October 12, 2009, 03:04:38 PM »
Quote from: dweez on October 12, 2009, 02:55:38 PM
* dweez walks away all bow-legged and sore

You can walk!? I think I might have short changed you?
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline dweez

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #168 on: October 12, 2009, 03:14:22 PM »
I lol'd
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #169 on: October 12, 2009, 03:59:16 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D

Quote from: smokester on October 12, 2009, 01:34:41 PM
Perfect in both ways.

Even googling "is pants" with google uk will demonstrate how common its usage is (that is if Google allows non-UK based connections to see that link how I do?).

This:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/hereford/worcs/7585098.stm
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Online smokester

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #170 on: October 13, 2009, 03:09:24 AM »
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Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until the day after.

There is an exception to every rule, apart from this one.

Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #171 on: October 13, 2009, 08:20:10 AM »
I'd feel totally secure having that employee as my phone banking rep. ::)
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Offline Geemonster

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #172 on: October 13, 2009, 12:52:54 PM »
I found that bloody hilarious Smokes,that top post.
hahahahahahahahaha :D
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Offline subvinorosa

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #173 on: October 13, 2009, 10:04:48 PM »
It was, wasn't it?

Every employee should have that on his desk.
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Offline ohcheap1

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #174 on: October 14, 2009, 10:25:24 AM »
SNL did a skit on Saturday of an 90's womens pool tournament sponsored by Tampax. I thought the catch phrases were hilarious.

Tampax to the Max -Tournament of Champions -1991

--Tampit to the max with tampax

--Tampax, when you need just the facts nothing stops it like tampax

--Nix nax paddy wax stop your flow with tampax

--Tampax helping you relax when mother nature attacks your slacks
« Last Edit: October 19, 2009, 07:23:24 PM by ohcheap1 »
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Offline Geemonster

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #175 on: October 14, 2009, 10:31:44 AM »
^ :D :D
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Offline dweez

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #176 on: October 14, 2009, 10:39:52 AM »
Haha, nice.
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Offline laama

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #177 on: October 19, 2009, 06:32:01 PM »
Real poem Cheapy. :D
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Offline MisterAJ

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #178 on: October 19, 2009, 07:51:02 PM »
*Leaves for the second time today*
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Offline Methiah

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Re: Good Jokes.
« Reply #179 on: February 10, 2010, 09:54:11 AM »
When a lunatic escaped from the asylum and raped several washer women then ran away a newspaper ran the headline below the following day...

"Nut screws washers and bolts"
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